


when i fall

by badass_normal



Category: Lost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-02
Updated: 2010-12-02
Packaged: 2017-10-19 17:26:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/203323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badass_normal/pseuds/badass_normal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>We bend, but we don't break</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	when i fall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flaky_artist](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=flaky_artist).



She winds up in a yellow house, locked comfortably in Ben Linus’ guestroom.

The mind games begin on the third day. There are video screens and she is treated to the unnecessary, angry visual of Jack fucking the blonde Other on a kitchen counter and she can’t tear her eyes away from the aesthetically gorgeous, intoxicating, appalling biological process unfolding before her eyes. She counts to five and when she gets there she can pretend her heart isn’t throbbing with betrayal and agony.

“Does he know I’m watching every second of this?” she demands of her warden.

Ben locks eyes with her and the burn of his surreally blue gaze is uncomfortable. “I frankly imagine that he wouldn’t be concerned, if he did.” His voice is condescending and she’d love to break his nose because she’s so fucking sick of anyone important talking down to her like she can’t handle the basics of adulthood. “He witnessed your—encounter—with Sawyer in the cages. And I believe he is a man who holds grudges and tends to air on the side of passive-aggressive.”

It should hurt more than it does. She narrows her eyes, and somehow this has become more about Ben than about Jack and another woman.

His eyes momentarily glance at the screen and she sees hurt on him and she wonders if there’s maybe a double-edged sword involved in this.

\--

When they get around to fucking, it’s not the hate sex she expected. It’s apathetic sex. Decent, but apathetic. Emotionally she’s been yanked to the edge, the passionate turmoil of Jack and Sawyer and Sawyer and Jack knocking her senseless until she has to psychologically shut down for a little while.

She learns the woman’s name. Juliet. She strongly suspects Ben’s in love with her, that he’s numb as well.

It’s eerie and terrific how they’re on the exact same page.

\--

Next time it’s resentful sex. She’s screwing Ben to spite Jack. And if he never knows, it’ll still be satisfying.

But by the time she grips the headboard and orgasms silently, she’s lost track of why she’s doing this, except that she tends to take what she wants when she wants it and ignore the consequences. And right now, fleetingly, she wants Ben. Maybe it’s Stockholm Syndrome, maybe it’s desperation, maybe she actually likes him. Although that’s a long shot.

She folds against his body and decides she doesn’t care what inspires her to screw this horrible, manipulative man.

“I would like to serve you a proper meal, Kate,” he tells her as he climbs out of her bed. “Is that an appropriate next step in this pattern we have gotten into?”

“Fuck you.”

Four hours later she’s at his kitchen table with his sixteen-year-old daughter and wondering how this is suddenly more than the mutual nursing of broken hearts.

\--

The other shoe never drops. When she’s finally taken off of house arrest, she sees Jack wandering around and doesn’t confront him and he doesn’t confront her, and she’s absolutely positive looking at him that he’s far more miserable than she is.

Because Jack doesn’t do anything half-heartedly. So when he breaks he shatters, when he falls he plummets. He stews in resentments and regrets and Kate feels a little sorry for him.

She sleeps with Ben tangled in her limbs and she’ll be fine.


End file.
